Jackson Algebra

Today Headline Expects Tired Americans to Count Jacksons Early in Morning

Written by Kyle Buchanan | 30 Jun 2009, 8:30 AM | 5 comments

Note: The following scene played out across countless living rooms today during The Today Show’s third hour. We’re assuming.

Party 1: The Today Show is running a story about the Jackson family entitled “Joe and Kate Plus 9.” Too soon?

Party 2. Oh. Because of the Jon & Kate.

Party 1: Yeah.

[Long pause]

Party 2: Wait, who are the 9?

Party 1: Well, the three kids, probably.

Party 2: Probably.

Party 1: And the titular Joe & Kate.

Party 2: No, they’re excluded, I would think. Reread the headline.

Party 1: OK then…the surviving members of the Jackson 5?

Party 2: Can you name them?

Party 1: Jermaine. Tito. Was Marlon a Wayans or a Jackson?

Party 2: Let’s move on. So, that’s four surviving Jackson Fivers plus the three kids.

Party 1: Plus Joe & Kate, that’s nine.

Party 2: No, no Joe & Kate. Janet and LaToya.

Party 1: Oh yeah. That’s the nine.

Party 2: Yes. Yes it is. We’ve learned a lot.

[Long pause]

Party 1: Fuck you, Ann Curry.

From Old No.7 | Reply
Posted 30 Jun 2009, 10:07 AM

You had me at "Fuck you, Ann Curry".

From NoWireHangers | Reply
Posted 30 Jun 2009, 10:33 AM

Yeah but Charlie had three Angels so it does make sense.

From Michael | Reply
Posted 30 Jun 2009, 4:15 PM

But wait.. you forgot about Rebbe and Randy.. they weren't in the Jackson 5.

From Kyle Buchanan | Reply
Posted 30 Jun 2009, 4:19 PM

Crap! How can we add them without upsetting the formula?

Don't forget to show your work.

From Lowbrow | Reply
Posted 30 Jun 2009, 8:03 PM

Is that Liza Minnelli on the left?

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