Our Commenters of the Week Win a Diva Pile-On!

Congratulations to our five best commenters of the week, but watch your back: Your aging diva friends will no doubt come out of the woodwork with some damaging quotes about you. “He needed a beard!” Phylicia Rashad will claim. “Her autopsy is gonna prove one thing: She was a looney-tunes pill popper!” Elaine Stritch will crow. Still, we suppose the only bad publicity is no publicity.

So who are our winners?

Malis in Wonderland on Matt Damon Earns The Informant! its Exclamation Point: Did Bakula quantum leap into the body of a working actor?

Furious D on Harvey Weinstein Launches Film Criticism Career (and Oscar Race) with Public Enemies Rave: Here’s some quotes Harvey can use in future reviews: 1. “A brilliant independent movie, I could sit on it for years.” 2. “This movie sucked so bad I was looking for my own name in the credits.” 3. “The sort of deserving film I would bury with one of my massive Oscar campaigns.” They’re gratis, because I know TWC is broke.

Lowbrow on Nation’s Tweens In Panic As Last-Resort Jonas Proposes: And behold, a new Real Housewife of New Jersey is born.

Mr. Sex on Katherine Heigl Furthers Feminist Agenda With Ugly Truth Vibrating-Panties Sequence: Haha! It’s funny cause women can’t have orgasms!

JudgeFudge on Denzel Washington’s Unstoppable Not Living Up to its Name: Don’t worry, I’m sure that before too long Tony Scott and Denzel will come back with another actioner about a man whose very specific subset of skills makes him the only person that can save the day in some sort of hostage situation. Pitch: There is a bomb rigged in a White House copy machine, that will explode if it ever stops making copies of the Declaration of Independence. Lowell Honeycut is just a lowly Xerox repair man who shows up for what will be a very extraordinary day of work.