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What's On: Keeping Up With the Knute-Rocknians

rudy225.png New episodes! TV returns to relevance this week with brand new editions of our favorite programs and The Jay Leno Show. And in case you’re in dire need of inspiration, a freshman from South Bend, Indiana, is available to catapult your gridiron dreams into a vision that is formatted to fit your screen.

The Good Wife [CBS, 10 PM]
Our dogged hero Alicia (Julianna Margulies) represents the state attorney general’s wife in her divorce case, which allows her to discover more secrets about Peter’s (Chris Noth) legal past. But will Alicia lean over a desk and ask stern questions at some point in the episode? Because in my house, that is when you have to drink twice.

The Jay Leno Show [NBC, 10 PM]
Jay welcomes famous things Kim Kardashian and Jillian Michaels. That’s two different versions of inhuman exteriors. Kim looks like a third-draft drawing of Jasmine from Aladdin, and Jillian Lewis looks a storyboard version of Sarah Connor. Expect a lot of insight from all participating parties this episode.

Tabatha’s Salon Takeover [Bravo, 10 PM]
Tabatha sets out to mend the dysfunctional relationship between two co-owners of a California salon. She will do it with diplomacy. No one will be called stupid or disgusting or lazy or shitty. I wonder sometimes how Tabatha and Flipping Out’s Jeff Lewis would handle each other if both were forced to work in the same square-footage. Maybe he’d passively comment to no one that Tabatha is “a little tense, and angry in the face” and she’d shout to no one that he’s “a pox on the meadow of my ass.” Spinoff’s in the bag.

Rudy [CMT, 8 PM]
Notre Dame football may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but Rudy is an unobjectionable crowd-pleaser. The story concerns a pint-sized undergrad (Sean Astin) who yearns to play ball at Knute Rockne’s alma mater but can’t because of his size and poor grades. His ambition earned the film’s ranking as the 54th most inspiring film ever, though Jon Favreau’s screen debut is just as motivational.

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By the Numbers: weekend takes every Monday
Shutter Island Paramount
$22.67M
$75.54M
Cop Out Warner
$18.21M
$18.21M
Crazies Overture
$16.07M
$16.07M
Avatar Fox
$13.66M
$706.56M
Percy Jackson Fox
$9.58M
$71.00M
Valentine's Day Warner
$9.06M
$99.92M
Dear John Sony
$4.81M
$72.43M
Wolfman Universal
$4.26M
$57.38M
Tooth Fairy Fox
$3.43M
$53.84M
Crazy Heart Searchlight
$2.46M
$25.01M
Data courtesy of Rentrak