What's On
Now that Julie Miller has fully interrogated our newest Bachelor, we can get down to speculating — for the fourteenth time in nine years — what kind of person honestly thinks he’ll find love on national television. We can’t let people like Ray J make us forget how justifiably perplexed we were with initial love-hunters like Rick Rockwell and Flavor Flav. Even if the newest troubadour is (sigh) sho handshum.
Heroes [NBC, 8 PM]
The two-hour comeback is action-packed: Hiro launches a rescue mission, Claire suspects something is afoot with Samuel when she gleans more about the Carnival, Sylar returns to the Carnival, and Peter struggles with Nathan’s death. I think 120 minutes is also enough time for Sylar to sing a tribute rendition of “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out.”
The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love [ABC, 8 PM]
The premiere of The Bachelor’s 14th season (I know) follows shafted Bachelorette contestant and pilot Jake Pavelka as he meets 25 swinging singles. A touch football game erupts among the whole cast before then, however, and that might mean a laughs-filled montage set to “A Rose is Still a Rose” (Aretha Franklin and Lauryn Hill, of course) is in order, just before he lovingly eliminates 10 competitors.
Chef Academy [Bravo, 10 PM]
In “Squid Pro Quo,” Chef Novelli makes the pupils deal with aquatic food, and two unlucky seafarers get woozy while riding the high seas. Amateurs. I personally can’t wait to see Bravo stars with less-than-Voltaggian constitutions, particularly since no boring fashion designers are involved this time.
Field of Dreams [CMT, 9 PM]
Filmed in quaint ole Dyersville, Iowa, Field of Dreams is Pride of the Yankees’s only competition for greatest baseball movie ever. It also earns first place in the prestigious “James Earl James Just Knows Everything” category and secures a gold medal in cinema’s “Poignant Choking-on-a-Hot-Dog Scene” bracket.

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